Scientists Desperately Searching for New Planet to House the Elite Before Damage on Earth Becomes Irreversible

Revelations of the true intention of scientists comes as the world intensify protests against the greedy bastards




Artistic rendition of potentially hospitable planet GLIESE 581G

Scientists at NASA and major universities on Earth have been searching desperately for a hospitable planet in the universe to solve the multiple crisis our civilization is facing.

"We are concerned that the extreme environmental degradation caused by major corporations owned by a small handfull of greedy bastards will end our civilization" said one scientist, who chose to remain anonymous to avoid retaliation from the rich. "We are currently considering rather it is better to send the rich to the new planet for them to destroy so we can clean up the Earth, or rather it is best to move the whole mankind to the new planet while leaving the greedy bastards behind with what is left of Earth."

Scientists have been scrambling to find a new planet for years. It has only recently been revealed why they are so consumed with the task.

"You know, these greedy bastards try to pretend that we have no environmental problems... that climate change is fake... sometimes they go as far as trying to silence us by firing us and even threatening to kill us! We are concerned that science has been corrupted by these greedy bastards and we want them out of our planet."

Some greedy bastards welcome the idea.

"It would be great to move to a new planet and exploit its resources," said Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs. "We are frustrated that the Earth is too small for us. We heard that the main planet they are researching now, Gliese 581G, is four times the size of Earth! It would be great to move there and exploit its resources for our sole greedy benefit!"

Many scientists are getting tired of how long the research is taking and are considering faking research so they can send the greedy bastards away as soon as possible. "It's ok if there is no oxygen on the planet, or if there are giant poisonous man-eating plants. After all, the greedy bastards already screwed us over, so who cares if we screw them over for a change?"

Meanwhile, protests against the greedy bastards are intensifying. The most recent was on May 1st, where protesters across the world protested against the greed of the 1%. More protests are scheduled for tomorrow and for the foreseeable future. "We really welcome the idea of sending the 1% to another planet. That would be awesome!" said one of the protesters.