A startling revelation has been made today by the Flying Spaghetti Monster to his followers. According to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, He Himself does not exist. When asked about how He had that revelation, the Flying Spaghetti Monster told his followers "I was reading Descartes while having a manicure done on my noodly appendages when I realized that I don't think therefore I'm not."
The revelation has caused many Pastafarians to mourn their prophet's nonexistance. Many believers are very concerned that they will not drink beer and watch strippers when they die. It has also caused many life-long believers to spiral into an existential crisis.
The news echoed accross the globe drawing all kinds of reactions.
Scientists are happy the noble noodle admitted his nonexistance. "We have always known that climate change was not caused by a decrease in the number of pirates, but rather an increase in atmospheric levels of CO2!" said one scientist at the University of Massachussets.
Many right-wing conspiracy theorists are already criticizing the prophet. "It is clear that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is working for the CIA on behalf of the reptilians in order to justify climate change and enslave us somehow!" decried a conspiracy theorist who chose to remain unidentified for fear of retaliation.
Teachers were also happy that they will not be forced to teach Pastafarianism in classes anymore. "We always knew that was complete nonsense!"
Pastafarians still refuse to believe that their prophet does not exist. "I lived my whole life believing in the Word of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Now my whole life has suddenly become meaningless. This can't be happening! He must be real!" said a believer.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster urged followers to accept the truth with calm and dignity. "Descartes is an expert on existance. I know this is hard to take, but the reality is that I don't really exist," said the prophet during a tea party with the Mad Hatter, the Invisible Pink Unicorn and an honest politician.
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