After a lot of bad publicity for Enbridge and Ethical Oil over the past few months, Ethical Oil announced today, to much fanfare, that it is rebranding itself to “Gentle Killings”.
Emperor Harper, from the Corporatist Party of Canada, or CPC for short, has applauded the move, saying that it will make the corrupt organization sound different enough to distract anyone who is not paying attention.
It is normal for corrupt corporate plutocrat-funded organizations to go through periods of very bad publicity. When that happens, they often decide to rebrand themselves.
“Rebranding is basically repackaging a smelly turd into something more appealing because too many people have unwrapped its regular packaging and discovered it is a turd,” says a marketing expert for corporations and pro-corporate non-profits.
“Emperor Harper, from the Corporatist Party of Canada, or CPC for short, has applauded the move, saying that it will make the corrupt organization sound different enough to distract anyone who is not paying attention.”
The plutocrats decided to rebrand Ethical Oil to “Gentle Killings” because their oil completely destroys the environment and slowly kills people in communities where the oil is extracted from. As such, the name “Gentle Killings” is very fitting, as the oil only kills “gently”, not harshly, like the evil terrorist oil of other countries.
On the same day, Gentle Killings has denounced Tides Canada, the evil charity that is trying to protect our environment, of laundering money. Tides Canada welcomed the audits of its books. In response, Gentle Killings refused to provide details of its funding sources.
Enbridge has also announced that they are brainstorming new brand names to cover up its tarnished reputation. The brand name “Envirokill” is currently winning.
The founder of Gentle Killings, Alykhan Velshi, who is now a senior official in Emperor Harper’s office, could not be reached for comment.
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