CSIS Detains Emperor Harper, Claims He Is Osama Bin Laden

In this declassified photo, you can clearly see Emperor
Harper on his fire-breathing unicorn

This morning, in an unprecedented twist of fate, CSIS stormed parliament and detained Emperor Harper, claiming that he is actually Osama Bin Laden in disguise.

This is not the first time Emperor Harper broke his own legislation as he previously promoted terrorism on his Facebook page. Reports also link Islamic State recruiter to Canadian Embassy in Jordan.

Clearly all this information leads to the conclusion that Emperor Harper is actually Osama Bin Laden in disguise.

According to new legislation, all that CSIS, our trustworthy secret police, needs to do to imprison anyone is to simply claim that they have reasonable grounds to believe that such person will possibility commit terrorism in general at any given moment regardless of actual evidence. In addition,  they may refrain from giving anyone, other than a secret court, any evidence, due to "national security concerns".

In largely redacted documents obtained through a Freedom from Intellect (FFI) request, CSIS agents discuss the possibility that Harper is going to order his army of fire breathing unicorns to attack Canada.

CSIS could not be reached for comment regarding the possibility that Emperor Harper was planning on sending fire breathing unicorns to attack Peace Tower, CN tower and other phallic Canadian buildings, however they reassured us that they can't know for certain it will not happen and, thus, the possibility is "reasonable", which gives them the grounds required to preventively detain Harper.

Luckily for Harper, his latest legislation on security certificates, bill C-3, allows for the appointment of a "special advocate", a special person who can see the secret evidence but never talk about it, which is, clearly, certainly bound to make this entire process a lot more fair for Emperor Harper.

For the moment, Canada can breath a sigh of relief as our illustrious secret service finally figure out that our dear illustrious leader, Emperor Harper, is Osama Bin Laden, and, for the moment, in a sweet taste of freedom, we can be at peace knowing that we are finally safe.