Yesterday, a new company had an IPO on major stock markets. The company is called “Evil Enterprises Incorporated” (EEI +245%) and its major shareholder and CEO is Doctor Evil.
The mission of EEI, as stated by CEO Doctor Evil, is to “build a giant “laser” to destroy the Earth”. Doctor Evil has always dreamed of a day when he could build his company to destroy the planet. He realized that if he incorporated his company, he could commit as many crimes as he wishes, as corporations are completely unaccountable, can’t be imprisoned and can’t die. He realized that this would be a great way for him to destroy the planet without going to prison. Through his corporation, he can also make a lot of money and be praised by politicians, bankers and economists.
And, indeed, the news have been received with great joy from governments, economists and bankers across the world.
“This is great news for everyone, because EEI will generate millions of jobs and create trillions of dollars in economic growth!” said an economist from the Fraser Institute.
Meanwhile, bankers are scrambling to come up with great deals to fund Doctor Evil’s enterprise. Several banks are competing against each other, bidding as low as they can, to strike a deal with Doctor Evil. EEI is expected to receive several billions of dollars from bankers to fund his enterprise.
"The mission of EEI, as stated by CEO Doctor Evil, is to “build a giant “laser” to destroy the Earth”."
EEI’s IPO has also been very successful, lifting stock markets across the world by 200% on its first day. Stock markets are expected to continue to rise on Monday on the news of EEI’s IPO.
Politicians are also very happy and making sure that environmental and labour laws don’t get in the way of EEI setting up shop in their countries.
“We are doing whatever we can to undermine environmental and labour laws to make our country look very attractive for Doctor Evil. Rest assured that we will destroy as many environmental and labour laws as fast as we can in order to attract EEI’s below-minimum-wage jobs to our country!” said Stephen Harper, Emperor of Canada.
Unfortunately, not everyone is pleased with the incorporation of EEI. Teachers, students, youth, environmentalists, regular civilians and just about anyone with any vestige of sanity, are opposed to EEI. Protests against EEI have already started. As one protester put it “the idea that a corporation can be created to destroy the planet and lift the global economy from a depression is ludicrous. If you destroy the planet, there will be no economy anymore.”
In response to protesters, economists, politician, bankers and racist rednecks have said that “these spoiled treehugger brats should be ashamed of themselves. They must accept the destruction of their lives and their planet and work harder.”
Doctor Evil was busy polishing his mini-laser and could not be reached for comment.
